A Reflection Back
It’s been already now 7 years now since my Narcissist Ex came back into my life. Boy time sure does fly, I remember it like yesterday. We first met almost 20 years before. I was 33 when I first met him and for me it was love at first site. I have to admit even though I felt an incredible connection unlike any other I had ever had before him, it was very rocky. He was a player and after an on again, off again relationship, it blew up in my face (long story). I never did forget about him however.
Do we ever forget about the ones we fell head over heal for and for some reason it ended?
Most of us don’t. It tends to stay within our consciousness for ever doesn’t it? After we parted ways, I strived very hard to improve myself. I would partake in anything self-improvement there was, books, courses, videos, you name it, I signed up. After 16 years or so apart, some things were finally starting to bear fruit from my persistent efforts. In 2015, after years of trying my hardest to do a best job working for others but having to be reliant on them for my financial wellbeing, I finally broke free from the shackles and started working for myself. I enrolled in a self-employment course and learned all I could about starting a business.
I decided to start a driving school since I already had my Driving Instructing license and had been working for others for some time doing it. It seemed like the best choice at the time, so I proceeded to do all it took to open up my own driving school. First of all, I did the research, then I created the name, logo/brand. I started out building the website myself, then after some time, improved on it by hiring others. Basically all operations of business I did myself. Of course while at the same time building up my clientele from zero to a full time sustaining business within 1 year after opening.
During the same time period, I obtained another long standing goal which was to join a band. I am an avid music fanatic and always wanted to be a singer/performer in a band so finally after a long time of searching, the same year, I found a band who accepted me into their fold as their lead singer.
Things were starting to look up, but there was still one glaring part missing. I was still single and miserable because of it. I longed for the one for me. I wanted more than anything to have a partner for myself, someone who I enjoy their company as they enjoy mine, who saw the world the same way, whom I was compatible with. Unfortunately up until then, what I wanted the most always seemed to allude me however. Honestly, this was big contributing factor towards the depression I experienced day in and day out. I just couldn’t figure out why other people were able to find their life partners but not me.
Then one day, in the early part of 2017, I came home from a regular day at work, opened up my laptop and started to browse around. Being the music fanatic that I am, while I was surfing the web, my attention would be drawn towards anything musical and hence when I saw something that popped up on my screen from a black musician, I stopped to look at it. I don’t know what it was about him that intrigued me as I had never heard of him before, but something about it beckoned me to play his video. I clicked play and couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It was blues, not something I usually listened to or preferred but it was the same type of blues my Ex used to go on and on to me about those 18 years prior when we were having relations back then.
Now I have to point out that I did not know my Ex was a Narcissist at this point. By now it was 2017 and I didn’t know what Narcissists truly were at this point in my life. I think you could say I was really naïve but I didn’t even hear much talk about it around town so to speak. Now everywhere you turn, there is so much talk on the subject of Narcissism it isn’t funny. I mean I had my suspicions and I heard the term Narcissists but I didn’t know for sure he was one. I hadn’t proved it yet.
In any case, as I was listening to the music, I went into almost a trance like state, where I relived a memory of us when we dated all those years before. It was a road trip to see a band that we both equally loved. For at least a few minutes, I was in this trance reliving all the memories of that magical trip, until finally I snapped out of it.
Reliving that memory, was kind of bitter sweet. In one sense it was bringing up a time that I consider to be the best time of my life, but on the other hand it made my heart sink. I felt a deep sense of sadness at the love I once shared with someone I felt was “the one” but alas it didn’t work out and here I was still alone with a gaping void for someone in my life. Needless to say, I came home one Friday night from band practice to, you guessed it, a friend request from none other than the one I was so deeply thinking about only days before!
In my next chronicle, I will continue on with another input from my Narcissist chronicles. Until then, if you yourself have been embroiled in a Narcissistic relationship, reach out for help. When it comes to getting the help you need if you are experiencing Narcissistic abuse, it is imperative to find someone who truly understands what you are going through. This is not a typical break up. This is soul crushing. Some people refer to it as soul rape or soul murder.
This is why it is critical you get good therapy. Personally when I was going through it, the best thing for me, was talk therapy. As much as therapists and coaches dissuade you from talking about your situation, as they want you to go from talking to doing something to get over it, what I really wanted was to talk about it. That is what I needed. I needed to talk to someone who knew about this sort of thing but more than just 1 hour, once a week, I needed more than that and frankly, I couldn’t find a service that answered to my needs.
After the experience happened to me, I vowed to turn the pain I was suffering into something to help others. I proceeded to obtain my Life Coaching certificate and then after that created, You’ve Got a Friend Chat and Mentor Service!
At You’ve Got a Friend Chat and Mentor Service, not only do I offer a chance to just talk about whatever is ailing you in a safe and supportive environment but I also cater my coaching business to fulfill many other different factors that I needed when I was seeking help. Below is a list of things that I wanted to provide in my unique coaching business to help others going through same or similar to me:
1.Finances
After I was discarded by my Narcissist Ex, I was single with hardly any money. In fact, I had just moved cities and had to build my business from ground zero to a full time business yet again. I was struggling financially and could not afford the standard rates of a Coach or Counsellor of on average $100/hr. Yes there are some services out there such as Better Help who charge a flat fee a week with unlimited help from a therapist. I myself tried this but the costs still add up. Their prices range from $60 to $90 US a week. I am Canadian so that converted to more like $75 to $115 per week for me which averaged out to approximately $400/mth. I know if you need the help, you have to invest in yourself but I simply did not have the finances to do so.
With You’ve Got a Friend Chat and Mentor Service, I made the rates low enough that if you need help, you can get it for as little as only $30/hour and if you purchase a package of sessions which can go up to 25 hours a month, the rate per hour goes down even more than that.
2. Being Able To Talk To Someone More Often
When I was going through the thick of my emotional turmoil after the Narcissist in my life ghosted me, I was so distraught that I needed to talk to someone more often than just once a week. In fact there was a period of time that I felt like I may have to admit myself into a hospital but even then I didn’t know of any such place that offers a service to help someone in my situation. Alls I knew is I was desperate for someone to talk to more often than just once a week which is what you get with a standard coach or therapist.
Even with Better Help, it is primarily email support with an option to book calls with your Therapist when their schedule is available. The thing for me about this was, I felt like since they are primarily email support, I didn’t want to abuse their schedule with my troubles and take advantage of their time knowing they had other clients to attend to. It didn’t work that well for me for this reason, I didn’t ask for many in person sessions and email support was just not cutting it for me.
With You’ve Got a Friend Chat and Mentor Service, I made sure to fill that gap as well. What I offer is the individual needing help, the ability to pay for talking/coaching packages. So essentially this gives the person the ability to talk to someone as much as 25 hrs a month. Not to mention that when you buy the bigger packages, the cost per hour goes down even less than $30/hr. This way, you can reach out and book sessions with me as often as you want. Every day almost if you need to. All sessions are done over zoom so this is live person to person support.
3. Having Access To Different Kinds Of Help
I designed You’ve Got a Friend Chat and Mentor Service to not only give people a chance to talk but also to be coached or mentored. So in other words, I am not just a talk therapy service. I give the person the ability when they book the session to choose whether you want to just talk, be coached for something specific, such as assistance finding a job, changing careers/go back to school or start a business or side hustle. For mentoring, do you need to start a business or side hustle but don’t know how to start? I can help you with that too. Being someone who started and built a successful full time business herself, I can help walk you through step by step on what to do to start that business. Don’t know what business or side hustle to choose? I can assist you with decision making and then help you make goals and be that person to hold you accountable to your goals so you accomplish them.
4. Healing Exercises
If you are feeling particularly stressed and want to use your sessions to go through some healing exercises, I have taken a number of different courses over the years in different ways and means to help you feel less stressed. My most recent one was called Neuro Wellness which focuses on different mindfulness, calming practices, so I have a treasure chest of different modalities we can use together if that is what you would like to do in your session.
5. Good for Any Age
You’ve Got a Friend Chat and Mentor Service is good for any age too. Anywhere from a teen who is going through troubles with school or friends, maybe even bullying, you can book some sessions for your child. I too experienced bullying in my younger years and can very much relate to what your teen is going through. Seniors experiencing loneliness and isolation and just have no one to talk to, I will be your loyal, supportive friend when you feel you have no one else. Or it could be you’re an adult experiencing job loss, workplace bullying or maybe you need someone to talk to because you are experiencing a Narcissistic relationship or financial difficulties. I am here to be that caring and empathetic support who totally understands what you are experiencing and will assist and support you through any of your hardships. You can be rest assured, you’ve got a loyal, supportive friend in me who will never let you down.
So if this all sounds good to you, please go here to choose a package right for you You’ve Got a Friend Chat and Mentor Service and remember, there is always a solution to every problem, sometimes you just need help finding it!
About Lisa
Lisa is a certified Life coach who specializes in Career Coaching as well as Narcissistic abuse. She has devoted her life to helping people suffering from loneliness and isolation. The ones who feel marginalized as they may feel like they have been an outcast in society, have troubles fitting in. Lisa’s background includes a college diploma in Career Development Practitioner and after successfully completing the curriculum, she went on to work in the employment industry helping people looking for work and changing careers. Prior to becoming a Life Coach, Lisa was a successful business owner for 7 years. She has worked in many different industries over her employment life and hence understands how many different industries work as well as the skills needed. Lisa’s main attributes is boat loads of empathy and encouragement. She wants to do her part to encourage people who feel suicidal not take that drastic step to end their lives but to help them realize their inner gifts and talents that they can use for the betterment of not only themselves but others in the world as well.
